Russian 102: Запор
Запор (n): Constipation. Even has its own entry in Urban Dictionary.
Is anyone planning on sending me a care package? If so, could you please include one or more of the following: prunes, Fiber Drinks, whatever is the opposite of Immodium AD?
Here it is a bit “Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink.” The markets and bazaars are overflowing with tasty, fresh produce, but when you eat in a restaurant or in someone’s house, the closest thing you’ll get to a vegetable-based dish is borsch or a pickled salad. Last night as I ate the meat/potato/oil soup cooked by my new roommates, I had the first and hopefully last pang of desire to become a raw foodist. This abundance of fat and oil and lack of fresh produce has left me a bit uncomfortable and irregular.
Yet this very problem is culturally anticipated, and both of the households in which I’ve lived have provided remedies for this and other maladies with a cute selection of Chinese tea cups filled with an assortment of homemade preserves.
(Yes, those are dead mosquitos)
“This one,” Aika said, pointing to the red one, “is for gripp, you know, when you are ill, like cold. The purple one is from a purple fruit. It is for zapor. Do you know zapor?” Yes, I know zapor. I am on very intimate terms with zapor. “The orange one is for the opposite of zapor.” While I enjoy putting these preserves on my bread in the morning, both Aika’s family and the student trio prefer to stir their chosen remedy into their tea.
This reminds me of a story a friend from University, Jamie, related to me after her summer internship at an English language learning publishing house in Japan. She was to repeat every phrase they gave her in the cheeriest, brightest English possible. Some of the phrases struck her as inappropriate for English, but her objections were ignored. My favorite out of her examples, and the only one I can remember now, happens to be none other than: “I’m feeling constipated today!”
“This one,” Aika said, pointing to the red one, “is for gripp, you know, when you are ill, like cold. The purple one is from a purple fruit. It is for zapor. Do you know zapor?” Yes, I know zapor. I am on very intimate terms with zapor. “The orange one is for the opposite of zapor.” While I enjoy putting these preserves on my bread in the morning, both Aika’s family and the student trio prefer to stir their chosen remedy into their tea.
This reminds me of a story a friend from University, Jamie, related to me after her summer internship at an English language learning publishing house in Japan. She was to repeat every phrase they gave her in the cheeriest, brightest English possible. Some of the phrases struck her as inappropriate for English, but her objections were ignored. My favorite out of her examples, and the only one I can remember now, happens to be none other than: “I’m feeling constipated today!”
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